Saturday, October 23, 2010


Yesterday I had the honor of remembering my father. 
The armory he spent many weekends meeting at before deployments, and then gathered back at upon his return, had just been remodeled. They chose to have a ceremony to honor two families, and we were able to cut the ribbon.
I entered the armory and it looks wonderful. It had the same bones to it, with some minor changes, and fresh paint, and the latest  amenities  to ensure its “green-ness”.
They moved the entrance to the back. It was once just a big metal garage like door, now it is a entry! 
As I sat and listened to different people being acknowledged, I let my mind wonder. Taking in the memories that this building held for me. This was were I, too, spent many weekends. Helping my mom feed the men, sewing on patched and comforting and connect with other military families.
At one point during the ceremony, the relived my father’s death. My eyes watered as I tried to hold back the tears. I used my scarf the wipe them away. Hoping that no one saw me. It’s not something I like to share with most. The pain of losing him is one that I don’t wish upon anyone, and I generally keep to myself. 
Ironically, I am reading a book with my girlfriends. “The Road Less Traveled” by M.Scott Peck.  The first topic is about problems and pain. Basically M.Scott Peck says that most of us try to ignore the pain of life, hoping it will go away. But it wont, it will only stay there and continue to make life harder until we face it and deal with the pain. That we need learn how to embrace life’s problems and pains. This is one pain that I know I need to work on. The question is where do I even start. 
Back to the armory. 
I let my sister chase D2 around the big open room. As I watched, it reminded me of when she was that age, and I was the one chasing her, and making sure she stayed out of the men’s way as my mom did what she did best. Moments of my dad playing with her, and picking on my flashed through my mind as my eyes would fall upon each man in uniform. 
The BDU’s, as they always do, overwhelmed my emotions. Men in uniform always do this to me. Not the emotion of lust and love!
Its one of remembrance, sorrow, and joy... They way life was.  And the hole in me of the one thing that is gone from my life. Most days, the hole is there and goes unnoticed. Others .... like yesterday, it is very prominent.
I feel my father was to glue to our family, he was that one thing we all had in common. Whether it be us worrying for him while on his deployments, or the one who picked on all of us. And I don’t mean the friendly type picking on. He could push your buttons to the max, and yet it was ok, because that was the way he showed us he loved us. This is one of the things I miss the most. 
Wish you were here....
Looking forward to the day we meet again. 
Love you Dad.


  1. Thanks for sharing this with us. It was very moving. I know this is a tough time of year for you and your family. I'm thinking about you guys.

  2. Thanks Ann, Its good for me to talk about it. I think it get easier the more I talk about it, but its one of those topics that is hard/weird to bring up. Thanks for reading & inspring me to blog :-)

  3. Kailina - thanks for sharing this. I remember Brad well, just like it was yesterday, playing at your house, and him like you said, "pushing your buttons to the max" - haha. He is greatly missed, but I know he's in a good place now, and he'll never be forgotten.